Adventures in Pickle Land
by Mizu-chan
Summary: While robbing a mini-mart at 2:47 A.M. Heero also manages to kidnap a girl who only wanted some stinkin' sweet pickles! AU.. and bizarre.
1. Mini-marts

Mini-Marts  
Adventure in Pickle Land  
  
I hate mini-marts. More then anything in the world. Who wants cashiers leering at you as you attempt to check the disposal dates of products? Especially when those disposal dates are years late? Not I. No no, not I. So what am I doing standing here in a mini-mart? At 2:47 A.M. on a Sunday no less.  
  
Blame it on my brother. He gets these weird cravings. I personally think he is a mutated pregnant transvestite. He gets mad when I call him that, though. Anyway, that is besides the point. Tonight (or should I say this morning?) he asked for some milk drenched pickles. I didn't get it. Do pickles actually absorb the milk?   
  
Anyway, that is besides the point. He asked me to please please please (with a cherry and a fifty on top) to go get him those pickles. Sweet pickles. Nothing but sweet pickles. I refused like any sane person would seeing as our car is in the shop. He hands me another fifty and I'm out the door like a rocket.  
  
So that, my friends, is why I'm standing here like a moron. The old cashier is staring at me as I search for sweet pickles. Nothing but sweet pickles. Might I add it's freezing? But that's besides the point.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Just go. Dude, we need the money," the boy whispered to his companion. The two had been sitting in their car for over a half hour.   
  
"But that girl is still in there. I thought we weren't allowed to have witnesses," the other boy replied. His voice was low as he stared through the glass walls to the girl. She had been standing at the pickle section for what seemed like eternity.  
  
"No sane person spends that much time in a mini-mart. Just kill her."  
  
"....."  
  
"Or not. That's fine with me.."  
  
"Wait, wait, she's heading for the cash register," the second boy grinned. "I'll be back."   
  
"Good luck," the first boy encouraged as his friend slithered from the car.  
  
"Robbery accepted," he spoke before swinging open the glass doors. He whistled as he strolled in, drawing attention from the cashier and the girl. Quickly, he checked to see what had taken the girl so long. 'Sweet pickles. What in the world? The sweet pickles have a whole display,' thought the robber. He shook his head.  
  
"Oh, my. I'm terribly sorry. I've got nothing less then a fifty," the girl suddenly spoke. She couldn't lie and say that telling the cashier that didn't make her feel just a little bit better then him.   
  
"A fifty, you say? Aww, you little punk, this here mart ain't got nuthin higher then fifty!" the cashier cursed. He had seen the gun on the robber. It was better the girls skin then his.   
  
The robber froze. A fifty and nothing higher then a fifty. The girl would be a better rob. Slowly, the boy stepped behind her. She didn't even turn to face him, not even when he set the loaded gun to the back of her head.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Now, my friends, I'm sure you're wondering why I'm not even flinching. Well, it's because.. Hold please while I think of a good sane reason.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Hey, little girl, hand me that fifty and any other riches you have on you," the robber spoke, his voice deep and silky.  
  
"Aren't you even going to call the police?!" the girl bellowed at the cashier.  
  
"Oh.. that's right. It's the Alzheimer's," the cashier muttered before hitting 'the big red button'. "They're on their way."  
  
"Hey, are you ignoring me?"  
  
The girl grumbled as the robber spoke to her again. Sighing in distaste, she replied, "Listen, I've got nothing. I was just trying to sound cool."  
  
"Stop trying to stall, moron."  
  
"Don't call me a moron," the girl growled. She whipped around to come face to face with the barrel of a gun. Her eyes met with the robbers and she barely had time to gasp at the depth of those sapphire orbs before she went crashing down.  
  
The robber shook his fist. He never liked punching people. Quickly, he glanced to the unfazed cashier. Then to the register. With a grunt, he grabbed the girl and slung her over his shoulder. Nodding to the cashier he slapped down the 3.50 needed to pay for the sweet pickles.  
  
"Thanks. Her and her damn fifties," the cashier growled as the boy picked the pickle jar up with one hand. They exchanged another nod and the boy dashed to his car. "Another dull night," the cashier growled before flicked the big red Jell-O mold off the register.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At least he took the pickles. Hm, friends, let's point out of the pros and cons of this situation, shall we?  
Pros  
1. You have to admit.. that boy was cute.  
2. I know I'll have something to eat.  
3. Adventure adventure!  
4. I don't have to walk home.  
Cons  
1. That little thing called death.  
  
Hm, what do you think, my friends? Four against one.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"What the hell?! What were you thinking in there?! And why did you bring the girl? Oh, sweet pickles! My favorite!" the robbers accomplish shouted at his friend as he got into the car.  
  
"She has fifties," the robber replied as though that were a good enough answer. 'Now, drive before that cashier gets a conscience."  
  
"Remind me to beat you when we get back," cursed the driver before speeding out of the parking lot.  
  
The robber then removed his mask, letting tendrils of dark brown fall all around. He slung the mask behind him before moving the girl around until he was comfortable. A little moan from the girl assured him she wouldn't be caring about her position for quite some time. The girls head then lolled forward, revealing the back of her hair. The robber played around with those silken strands of honey dew before commenting gruffly, "Look, Duo, she stole your braids."  
  
"That damn bitch."  



	2. Names

Mizu-chan!'s Notes: Ahem.. all I have to say is that yes, this is an AU fic. And no, I was not drugged while writting any part of this. Thank you!  
  
  
Names  
Adventure in Pickle Land  
  
The young man jumped as three bangs echoed through out the warehouse. He blinked a few times before tiptoeing over to the steel door.   
  
"W..w..who is it?"  
  
There was silence. No, technically there were angry whispers. But since the boy couldn't make out what they were saying it was silence.  
  
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door.  
  
"Pleaaaase, Heero? Do the voice? Pleaaase?" Duo begged his companion. He dropped to his knees, grabbing hold of his friends ebony trenchcoat. His eyes got large and kawaii, pleading with Heero.  
  
"Listen, Duo, we haven't got time for it. The girl's gonna wake up any second," Heero whispered angrily back. He kicked his friend away. He was whispering, though. A sure sign he was gonna cave.  
  
"C'mon, I didn't eat the pickles!" Duo argued.  
  
"...." Duo had a point. The poor boy had wanted to eat the pickles but Heero denied him access. Heero sighed then cleared his throat, "Hey, hunny."  
  
The boy on the other side of the door froze. Speaking to him from the outside must be a seductive temptress! Just listen to that sexy voice! With a giggle of glee, the blonde flung the door open, "I'll pay two hundred!"  
  
"Gee, thanks," Heero growled, shoving Quatre aside as he dragged the girl into the warehouse.  
  
Duo snickered as he followed behind. He nudged the stuttering Quatre, "Are you that desperate, pretty boy?"  
  
"I can't believe you did that again!" Quatre slammed the door shut, glaring at the two dark haired boys.  
  
"I can't believe you fell for that again," Heero retorted, his words harsh. He shifted the girl around, grunting even though she really wasn't that heavy.  
  
Heero's uncommon grunt drew Quatre's attention to the unconscious girl. He blinked a few times, casting a quizzical glance to Duo. The braided boy replied with a few suggestive and vulgar gestures. Quatre's face grew red.  
  
"W..w..what are you going to do with that girl?" Quatre ventured to ask.  
  
"Lay her down," Heero replied, heading for the office that served as his room.  
  
Quatre's jaw fell open and Duo did all he could to hold in his laughter. Suddenly, the blonde screamed out, "No, Heero! You can't! She isn't even awake!" He then lunged for Heero, making the boy drop the girl.  
  
The two got into the usual fight. They rolled around, each getting an equal amount of time to be on top and punch. As they fought, Duo slithered over to the abandoned girl. He glared at her, pushing her onto her stomach.  
  
"No!" Quatre cried, even as he continued punching Heero. "Anal should be only for boys! Don't do it, Duo!"  
  
Duo blinked at Quatre. 'What a hornball. Thinks everyone is out to get some.' Duo chuckled to himself before bending down. He grabbed the girls twin braids and set to work at undoing them.  
  
Heero, who at the current moment was winning, glanced over to Duo. His eyes widened, "Stop, Duo! She might have worked hard on her hair!"  
  
"Does that matter? She stole my style," the other boy grumbled, flinging the bands that had been holding her hair in place away.  
  
"Yes, it does," Heero replied. His distraction gave Quatre the chance to give him a good ol' left hook. Heero went down.  
  
Quatre then stood up, giving his defeated foe a harsh kick in the side. "Ecchi," he growled down to Heero.  
  
"I wasn't going to do anything," the boy moaned, rolling onto his back.  
  
"Where we going to put her?" Duo asked as he picked up the girl. He carried her over to the unsuspecting Heero and dropped her onto him.   
  
She chose that moment to wake up. Slowly, her eyelids fluttered open. Heero grew panicked as he began to shove her off. Their eyes met, her soft violet ones with his darkened stormy ones. The girl opened her mouth and screamed out, "Relena! It's Relena!"  
  
"Eh?" Heero stopped pushing at her as she screamed (into his ears no less). "What is?"  
  
"M..m..my name," the girl whispered. She wasn't able to tear her gaze from his. Not just yet.  
  
"Did anyone ask you it?" Duo spoke up. The toe of his boot rammed itself against the girls ribcage and she tumbled off Heero with a wince. Relena then sat up, rubbing her side gingerly.  
  
"Why did you that, Duo?" Heero calmly asked as he to sat up. He glanced over to the girl but was careful not to look into her eyes. He might start drowning again.  
  
Duo shrugged causing Relena to puff out her cheeks. She quickly got to her feet, shoving her face up into Duo's. The boy blinked, taking a few steps back.  
  
"That was very rude, boy," she growled to him, waggling her finger like a cruel old granny.  
  
Duo glanced to his two friends nervously. Heero merely flashed him a 'I-hope-she-kicks-your-ugly-ass' look. Quatre giggled gently before speaking softly, "Heal my curiosity, Miss Relena. Not many people wake up, answering an unasked question. So why did you?"  
  
"Well," Relena turned from Duo who heaved a sigh of relief. Thoughtfulness flashed in her eyes as she began to answer Quatre's question. "I was just thinking that, well, I was just meeting him," she motioned to the still sitting Heero, "and usually when you first meet you tell each other your names. So I just told mine."  
  
"That logical," Quatre replied, nodding slowly.  
  
"I'm glad!" Relena's eyes lit up like a five year olds. She clasped her hands together cutely. "Now, tell me your names!"  
  
"Well, I'm Quatre and the boy you were just recently on *coughcough* was Heero."  
  
"A pleasure to meet you all. I'll see you around!" Relena waved and headed for the door, her face still smiling.  
  
"Okay, see you later!" Quatre waved as did Heero and Duo.  
  
"You're just letting her walk out?" came a low husky voice. The voice belonged to a new boy who was leaning against the wall. His dull black eyes were lowered, staring at the ground as though he didn't really care about the answer to his question.  
  
"What?" Heero blinked until he realized just what the girl was doing. "Oh shit!" he cursed, jumping to his feet. In his earnest to stop the girl, he lunged for her. Grabbing hold of her knees, he slammed her down to the ground. With a triumphant grin, he stood up, dusting himself off. "We aren't that easy to tri..oh shit," Heero stared down at the girl. "She got knocked out."  
  
The black eyed boy tilted his head back, laughing like a maniac. He banged his hands against his knees, curling over. "You are the lousiest kidnappers I ever saw!"  
  
"Shut up, Wufei," Heero grumbled picking up the once again unconscious girl. He slung her over his arm and walked towards his room.  
  
"Tell me if she's good!" Duo called after his friend, hooting and winking. His jeers were silenced as Heero lifted one finger then slammed his bedroom door shut.  
  
"I think this is going to be interesting," Quatre mumbled to himself. Wufei was still laughing although now he was simply pounding against the ground. Duo was standing there dumbfounded. Quatre sighed, "Yep, very interesting."  



	3. Ransom!

Mizu-chan's Notes: I'm on a spree!  Updating all those old fics I never finished!  What a neglected fic this one is.  Hehe, I started this one thinkinig it would be fun to have them kidnap Relena.  But then I realized that would probably be boring so I made it into a whacked out fic that involved kidnapping Relena.  o.o… I hope it's still enjoyable.  I hope people actually read it…

**Nim **~ Hehe, thanks for reviewing!!  I know they are all OOC.. I don't really know how it happened. O_o.. But somehow it did.  

Ransom!

Adventures in Pickle Land

            Heero sighed.  How did he manage himself into this?  Were fifties really worth this much trouble?  Heero berated himself mentally, repeating over and over what a fool he was as he laid Relena gently onto his bed.  With an unexpected tenderness, he pulled the downy covers over her frail body.

            "Sorry, girl.  Didn't mean to knock ya out twice," he let out a chuckle, which quickly died.  He then shook his head before sneaking back into the main room and closing the door shut behind him.

            "That was fast," Duo commented which caused Quatre to give him a soft whack to the stomach.

            Heero rolled his eyes before settling himself down on the floor.  He flopped onto his back, crossing his arms behind his head as a pillow.  The young man stared up at the dirty spotted ceiling, trying to figure out what to do.

            "Ransom.  We need a ransom," Wufei suddenly spoke up.  His gaze shifted around the three boys.  "Heero made a stupid mistake," he drew out all the syllables in the word stupid just to add to Heero's misery.  "But we might as well make the best of it."

            Heero's gaze never faltered from the ceiling.  He was resigned to remaining silent for this discussion.

            "Why don't we just let her go?  We're small time crooks!  A kidnapping is way too risky for us and we're gonna get caught.  I really don't want to serve time in jail," Quatre replied, staring nervously at Wufei.  

            "You moron!  If we let her go, she'd immediately go to the police and we'd get caught anyways!  I agree with Wufei.  A mistake was made but we can work it."

            Wufei sent a small smirk towards Duo.  "All right then.  When the girl wakes up, we'll get her home address from her then write the ransom.  We could hit it big!  Ya never know, eh, Hee-ro?"

            Heero sat up suddenly, sending a glare towards Wufei.  "I don't want in.  I'm not getting involved in a ransom.  It's too messy."

            Wufei's nostrils flared and in seconds he was grabbing Heero by the collar.  His eyes seemed to glow a sadistic black as he spat out his words, "You're the fuck who captured the twit.  Whether you want or not, you're in.  In fact if we do get caught, you're taking the entire rap."  With that Wufei let go of the boy and stormed outside.

            "Who the hell do you think you are?!" Heero screamed after Wufei.  He looked over to his fellow crooks that would only offer him sympathetic smiles.  It was obvious, though, how relieved they were that Heero would be taking the entire rap if they, or rather he, were caught.  With a growl, Heero stormed back into his room, slamming the door shut violently.

            He only managed to come face to face to an awake Relena who stared at him with wide unwavering eyes.  

Okay.  

First thought after waking up in messy bed "Oh my god!  I've been raped!"

Second thought after waking up in messy bed "Hm, actually, I don't think that would have been that bad.."

            "Did you hear any of that?" Heero ask gruffly, averting his eyes to the grains in the floor.

            "About the ransom?  Yeah.  I did," Relena said, sliding out of the bed and standing at her full height.  There was a stubborn tilt to her head.  "But you're not gonna get my address.  Ever," she drawled.

            Heero snapped.  Heero snapped in the calm sort of way.  The worst kind of way.  He walked slowly and steadily to the girl, placing one hand on her shoulder.  He curled his free hand into a fist then rammed it into her gut, causing her to gasp in pain and curl up.  Heero straightened her up, allowing her to merely hug her throbbing abdomen as he growled out, "You're going to tell me your address, Miss Relena.  Or..  I will kill you." 


End file.
